Emotion is a fickle thing

Sometimes I don’t feel like writing. Writing means you have to face something, whether it be a hidden emotion or an unwanted goodbye. Once it is written, it is there forever.  I just don’t want to do it.

So much happened, but making lists is tiresome. And how do you describe something that is indescribable without destroying what it truly is? Since the latter is a daunting task, in which I have no interest in taking on, mind you, I will succumb to the former.

A running list of things I have learned in Russia.

• The customer is never right.
• When a Russian says (insert desired location here) is within “walking distance” don’t be fooled. Remember, for quite some time Siberia was considered to be within walking distance.
• If you think something is filled with cheese, or chocolate even, it is not. It is filled with mushrooms.
• You WILL start to figure out the exchange rate/dollar value of things in terms of vodka. For example, “I just spent 300 rubles on a dinner doused in copious amounts of unwanted dill. I could have bought two bottles of cheap vodka for that. Or a bottle and a half of midgrade vodka.  What am I doing with my life?”
• Personal space is not as big of a deal as you once thought it was.
• The guards will never remember you, no matter how often they see you. You better have your identification ready.
• Conveniences are often unnecessary. Especially the ones you thought you couldn’t live without.
• Never underestimate the bargaining power of a produkti doughnut amongst your friends.
• Walking a mile to the nearest grocery store really isn’t that bad. Especially if you can buy the best corn you have ever eaten from that one roadside stand for 50 rubles.
• Babushkas have the right of way. Always.

No matter how much you gripe and complain about tired feet, unwelcoming glances, feeling like you have the intelligence level of a three-year old,  shameless staring, THE WORST CHAFING YOU HAVE EVER HAD IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE, and less-than-desirable bathroom facilities, you will look back and romanticize your time here. I am already doing it. All of the things I swore I would never miss…I am already regretting not embracing them more.

It is a strange thing really- the feeling of leaving one home for another.

I left my heart in St. Petersburg.

I have been swept off my feet. I spent the past three days in St. Petersburg, and I fell inlove. I have wanted to go there for years, and as soon as I stepped off the train I knew it was special. Looking over the 400-something pictures I took this weekend, I regret not taking more. I don't even know what to write because I am so overwhelmed by the situation. If I wrote about everything I saw and felt, this blog would turn into a novel. So I'm not going to do that. 


I saw so much while we were there, but the highlight of the trip was the Winter Palace, the residence of the Romanovs.So much has happened there. It was official residence of the Tsars since the 18th century. Bloody Sunday occurred in it's Palace Square. Those halls have seen grand royal balls and have been ravaged by revolution. If its walls could talk, I cannot even imagine what they would say. We were there for about 3 hours, and there was still so much we did not see.


For those of you who don't know, and I am sure most of you don't, I am the biggest Romanov nerd ever. Like...my love for them may be border-line unhealthy? Their family biography can and has brought me to tears. It's a tragic story of priviledge and bad decisions. Either way, they have enchanted me for years. So, needless, to say, walking the halls of the Winter Palace was a religious experience. I could feel the past around me. With each step, I pictured every person who had taken that same step before me. I have studied that place so much. When I stopped to listen, I could hear laughter and the Tsar's footsteps that would have echoed through the marble halls. I could hear the selfish arguments of Grand Dukes, and secret snickering that began to destroy the family from within. I shivered when I thought of Rasputin. And when I closed my eyes, I saw revolutionaries and peasants storming the palace, driven by desperation and hatred. I could hear them coming. I honestly do not understand how a person could step foot into the Palace and not be immediately overwhelmed by the very thought of it. It fills me with this deep, strange sadness. 


When we stepped out into the Palace Square, the first thing I saw was Bloody Sunday. What a tragedy. I just wanted to sit there for hours and take it all in. In fact, next time I am in Russia, I will be coming back to St. Petersburg to do just that. Just sit. Unfortunately, with such a large group of people, you don't really get the chance to soak up what is around you. So we were just there for a few minutes and left. As we were leaving, I kept turning around to look at the Palace. I knew it would be years before I am able to see it again. I did not really care what the group was doing. In my general state of absent-mindedness I almost got run over by a horse and carriage, but one of my friends grabbed my arm before I was trampled. I don't remember who. I was too distracted. Even though my life almost came to a rather abrupt end, I kept turning my head back while we walked away. The last time I looked back, we had turned the corner and I could not see it anymore. I wanted to cry.


 By now, you are probably reading this and thinking I am crazy. But that is okay, because we are all passionate about something. 


I'm not going to lie, Moscow had me down. And now I feel renewed. I felt like I left a part of myself here seven years ago, and I thought I lost it. I think I found it in St. Petersburg. 

Dancing bears, painted dreams...cheese pizza.

So I have been sitting in front of my computer for the past 30 minutes coloring in my Lisa Frank Coloring and Activity Book, waiting for my pictures to upload. And then I decided that I really could not come up with a legit excuse NOT to write something...because I am coloring. So here we are. 


This week hasn't been as busy as the last couple of weeks. I went to class, I didn't go to class. You know, typical. On Tuesday, our boys had a basketball game against the FSU guys who are also studying here. I've discovered that I am a great heckler. My strategy isn't really to build my team up, but to just tear the other team down until they have absolutely no will to succeed. I was going to say,  "until they have no will to live," but I thought that was a little much. Anyway, I'm good at it. We won. Chomp chomp biotch.


Yesterday afternoon we went on a boat tour down the Moscow River. It was lovely, but the journey there was less than desireable, to say the least. Apparently, there is no civilized way to reach the boats. Shocking. Anyway, we found ourselves haphazardly wondering through some sort of Russian swampland riddled with enchantment and broken beer bottles. After sinking into some mud and complaining a lot, we found our way, washed our feet in the disturbingly murky waters of the great Moscow River, and boarded the boat. It really was a great tour. Pictures are coming soon.


In other news, Julia, Megan, Nicole, and I had a wonderful girls night last night. But far more important than the female bonding that occured is the fact that we found the most amazing cheese pizza at 2 am in the Cafe. The details as to how and why we ended up at the campus Cafe at 2 looking for pizza don't really matter though. All that matters it that it was delicious and now I want it all day, every day. I feel like I have been on a mission to find some sort of cheesy goodness to fill the void that I have felt since being here. And the fact that I found that cheesy goodness means that last night was the start of a very dangerous game. Anyway, the sassy waitress was obviously disgruntled with our enthusiasm and general existence, but she could not rain on our parade. 


Oh, yes, We are going to St. Petersburg tomorrow. I AM SO EXCITED. I am less excited about leaving at 5:30 tomorrow morning. But that is okay, because I have wanted to go to St. Petersburg for years. And now I will be there in less than 24 hours. Hollaaaaaa.


I think that is all I have to say.

"Sorry, I don't have exact change."

Where to begin? We have been so busy. Hence, the lack of updates. I honestly don't know how to start. I guess I just will.

Russians get really mad when you don't have exact change. And that whole, "the customer is always right" thing is completely false. The customer is never right, apparently. The pigeons here have no sense of personal space. It's upsetting.

I went to see Swan Lake at the Kremlin. It was beautiful. We have gone on a lot of tours and Craig is teaching me how to play chess. Do not bring your dirty clothes to the laundry room in a suitcase, because they will think you are trying to leave the country. And you will be sent to the administrative office. I bought some souvenirs and finally found some postcards that weren't 20 rubles a piece. Now onto actually writing and mailing them. I'm sure that will take another two weeks. Okay, so I have actually done a lot of things over the past week or so. I just really don't feel like listing them all to you. I would rather just ramble. I'm not feeling very eloquent today.


I've only been here two weeks, and I already feel different. I can't really place it. There is just this underlying feeling of...change. I have always felt like there was a piece of me that I left behind here. I keep expecting to find it around every corner. But, it is not that simple. Every time I see an older person, I cannot help but think about how much change they have seen over the years. This world must be such a strange place for them. 


There are a lot of empty eyes here.

"I just want a Big Mac."

  Moscow may be considered the cultural capital of the world, but they whip up a serious Big Mac. With so many new sites, sounds, and tastes to experience, one typically wants to branch out into the unknown and pop that comfort bubble you think will somehow protect you against a foreign culture you don't understand. This is why we decided that we weren't going to that McDonald's on the corner for "at least 3 weeks." Well as it turns out, we went to the one downtown instead. But we'll get back to that later.

  We went to the Kremlin Armory today. I'm not really sure what I expected to see there. Tanks, maybe? Every model of the Kalashnikov ever made? Anyway, it wasn't like that at all. 

STOP- there is a drunk Russian man singing merrily in the courtyard below my window. These are reasons why I love Russia.

  I digress. The Armory. It was filled with some pretty baller stuff. Diamonds, silver, wedding dresses, thrones, some bejeweled swords, loud buzzers that went off when you got too close to the velvet rope because you just HAD to touch that 200 year-old carriage plated in gold. You name it, they had it. Note: if you are an American, babushkas WILL cut you in line. They won't even try, they will just do it. Throw some 'bows and be aggressive. Or just let them go in front of you and wait for your teacher to verbally own them so you don't look like a stupid tourist who can barely say, "I don't speak a lot of Russian."

  The Armory was amazing, but the opera I went to tonight was even better. It was my first, and I loved every minute of it. There is just something special about beautiful music. It doesn't matter if it is in Italian, I don't need to understand what they are singing. I love feeling the story and filling in the blanks myself. What I do not love, is turning to my friends on either side of me to find them BOTH sleeping. To be fair, even though I have no desire to validate such behavior, we had a long day, and I think we are all still trying to adjust our clocks. Not everyone can appreciate the same things. For example, the fact that we found basketball courts has no bearing on my life whatsoever. It takes all kinds, I guess.

  After the opera, Galina Ivanovna took us downtown to eat. By the way, the "us" I keep referring to is Julia, Nicole, Mike, Craig, Scott, and me. Before we knew it, Galina was saying, "Okay, this is where I leave you." Then she disappeared. It's pretty precious- how much faith she has in us. She just wants us to spread our little wings. Most people might find it absolutely frightening to be left in downtown Moscow. However, for some reason, I have full faith that Galina can just magically drop out of the sky whenever you need her. I swear, she has done it before.

  So there we were, in the middle of downtown. And there IT was. The McDonald's. I don't think I can even count how many times Mike said, "Ya hochy Big Mac" while we are at the theater. But at this point, we all wanted it. And we were going to have it. Shockingly enough, I think Russians might like McDonald's more than Americans do. This place was huge, and the food was so much better. Employees will even come and take your tray when you are done. Oh, and they have guards at the doors. Yeah. They mean business. 

  Well, it has definitely been a crazy few days, to say the least. The flight from Orlando to JFK went well, but we hit a lot of speed bumps while we were in New York. It all started when Mike, Scott, Craig, and I were trying to figure out what terminal Aeroflot was in. Well, we finally figured it out and got on the airtrain. When we arrived at our stop, we merrily hopped off the airtrain only to hear someone yelling, "You left things!" Craig had walked off without his hat and pillow. Mike, in a valiant attempt of friendship, jumped on really fast to grab Craig's stuff, only to have the doors abruptly close in his face as he was about to step off. Oh my word, I do not think I will ever forget the horrified/"eff the world, specifically Craig" look that was on his face as the airtrain pulled away. Luckily, we had a three-hour layover, because he had to take the airtrain all the way around JFK in order to get back to our terminal. And he did not have his cell phone. It was a nightmare and unnecessary. I do believe it is something that Craig will never be able to live down.

  We finally arrived at Terminal 1 and went on a hunt for the Aeroflot check-in area. It was easy to find, but upon arrival, the agent told the boys that they had to check their carry-ons because they were too heavy, even though American Airlines had let them carry them on. Go America. Not. Obviously, mine was not above the allotted 10 kilos, because I am awesome. Mine was only 6.6. So, they had to deal with that and pay $50 to check their luggage. At this point, there was a rather hostile air hanging around our group. Anyway, we got through customs easily and quickly, despite that fact that the line had tripled while I was waiting for them to check their stupid luggage. When we got through, it was about 5:20 pm, and we were supposed to start boarding in an hour. 

  I must say food in JFK SUCKS. There was barely anywhere to eat in our terminal and we all know how I get when I need food.  I ordered a $10 pizza because it was the cheapest thing on the menu. It might have been about 5 inches in diameter. We ate and hustled back to our gate. And by "hustled" I mean "we walked slowly and delayed getting back to our gate as much as possible." Our plane ended up boarding about 20 minutes late, but we eventually got settled into our classy economy seats and all was well. The flight was good, but I could not sleep, so I felt pretty crappy by the time we landed. It was only about 9 hours, not bad at all. 

  When we arrived, we got through customs, got our luggage (it was all there, thank God), and our taxi driver picked us up. The ride to the university was so much fun, because our driver did not speak English and obviously, we were not very comfortable with our Russian, having been thrust into an overwhelming situation. It was kind of awkward and silent (because the boys were completely silent, which forced me to be the one with some form of social grace), so I decided to tell him that I liked his car in Russian. He responded, "Tebye ni nravistsya?” which means, "You don't like?" Ahahahah he thought he said that I did NOT like his car. It was pretty much hilarious and broke the ice, and we had a good time for the rest of the drive. I was the one sitting up front with him, so he was teaching me new words. The situation was riddled with a lot of instances when we would just stare at each other and start cracking up because each of us would realize that the other had no idea what we just said. He was really a funny man, and while we were driving through Moscow, Bon Jovi came on the radio and he blasted the volume so we could sing to him in English even though he did not understand it. I think "It's My Life" will be one of my favorite songs from here on out just because of that situation.

  He got us to the university and brought our luggage up and we said our "Do svidanya's" (goodbyes) and "spasiba's" (thank you's). We literally had 20 minutes to get our stuff in our room and get ready to go to dinner. It was stressful and tiring, to say the least. We met up with the rest of our group and went to dinner, and then Galina, our teacher, wanted us to go to a Museum. We were all so tired and our feet were killing us. The simplest task here takes at least an hour. There is so much walking. Several metro connections and 20 minutes of super speed walking through the cold rain later, we were outside the museum she wanted us to go to. It was around 8:30 at this point. We waited outside in the cold for about an hour and then we finally got in. I was not in a bad mood at all, but I was so exhausted that I was basically fighting back involuntary "I'm exhausted" tears the entire time. The tour was so long. And then 20 minutes of super speed walking through the rain again and several metro connections in the opposite direction later, we were back where we started and took the long, painful walk back to the university. By the time I collapsed into my bed, it was after midnight and I was at around 30 hours without sleep. Needless to say, this tiny couch bed felt like the most heavenly thing my body had ever come in contact with. 

  On Sunday, we took a bus tour of Moscow and got out at some pretty amazing stops. I had already been to most of them, but it was still so breathtaking. I swear, the beauty and magnitude of monuments here are so overwhelming, it does not matter how many times you see them. After the tour, which lasted 3.5 hours, we were free to come back to the dorms, rest, and then do whatever we wanted. And the internet guy was coming to give us our wireless passwords. It was supposed to be a 30 minute process in total, but remember I said the simplest tasks take at least an hour in Russia? Five hours later, we all had internet and were starving. Mike, Craig, Scott, and I set forth on our first time alone in the city on a quest to find a restaurant and place where we could buy vodka. We were successful in both, after a few wrong turns here and there. It does not get dark here until about 11 pm and the sun comes back up shining around 4 am. So you never really realize how late it is. By the time we left the restaurant, it was 9:30 but it felt like 5:00.

  Yesterday I woke up feeling fantastic, despite the amount of vodka I drank the night before. Then we all went to class to take our placement tests. My hangover hit me about half way through the test, so that was wonderful. But I pushed through like the champion that I am and got the job done. We were supposed to have our official tour of campus afterwards, but it was postponed until today. It did not happen today either. This is Russia. That is how it goes. 

  I am so happy to be here. I don't think I can even describe how good it feels to be back. It just feels right and makes me so excited for the future. And it reinforces what I already knew- I still have so much to learn.